Mourning the Little Girl Who is Grows Up

I watched an ad for a twirly pink girl's dress that said, "Why not give her this while she's still little?" She's already too big for that dress I thought frowning. Flashes of  my little girl twirling in countless dresses, spinning and laughing fill my head. She's not little anymore I think. Sadness fills my throat. Those days are over I think, mourning the little girl she was.

These kinds of thoughts have been happening more often lately. My girl had a birthday last week. I didn't throw her a party this year for the first time ever, but she didn't mind, content with family, a few presents and a couple friends. I am proud of that maturity, but surprisingly I miss throwing her a fancy birthday party, with theme. "Those days are over" I thought. Yesterday I revealed to my husband that I was mourning the loss of those little girl birthdays. He looked straight at me and said, "But there is no loss in Christ. There are even better things ahead."

Then I saw the future; my girl growing in beauty inside and out. Her starting her own life with excitement and hope. Me getting to cheer her on and participate in any way she might need me. Her dad and I watching the story of her life unfold further and further as she becomes more independent and learns to love and be loved even more. Someday her life passing up the lives of my husband and I. As we pass on to the next world we will watch her from heaven, cheering her on, and her legacy. We will cheer from the vantage point of the perfect love and our home with God (not a bad seat to watch from). Then in a blink when my little girl's life is over we will all be together loving forever.

Doesn't sound like something to mourn does it?  I think I may have been making an idol of her childhood. Putting it on a pedestal as if those days are the best part of my life. Of course everyone says they are the best and are gone so soon. I capture photos so my children will always remember the story of thier childhoods. But if I stay mourning the little child and holding up those years as the "best of my life" can I fully value the young lady she is unfolding into? Also how can I move onto the new and exciting assignments in life ahead of ME?

She gave me the note above for Valentine's Day.  In those exhausting little girl days of wondering if I was doing it right or ruining her by doing it wrong I longed to know that she would grow into a relationship that she would like me have a friendship with me. And here I am my dreams coming true. So while I am thankful for the "little girl" I will not mourn her.  She is my daughter, she has grown into a young lady and will someday be a friend. There is no loss, only love.

-Allison

On the (sometimes lonley) road to Memory Masters

My kids are a bit...different. Of course we homeschool (read; not because we are in a religious cult or doing some social experiment on our kid. My two oldest just happen to be most able to learn at  home. More about that here.

Of course currently they could care less about sports, any kind of lessons, or clubs too. Sometimes this bothers me when I let fear creep in and tell me they are missing out. But they are geeky/creative and quirky, which of course they totally get from thier father. Sometimes being different means we are in our own world over here in Keys-land though and it does get lonely at times. 

Keys-land is not boring though. The kids are taking care of thier pets (currently a cat and four ducks), They love drawing, lego creating, writing songs, dancing, and of course the dreaded and highly controlled screen time; (they watch national geographic's animal jam, minecraft (we like skrafty!), lego shows, or youtube videos about these things) . And then thier are the other hybrids of those geeky creative interests (think making a video of your toys singing homeschool songs). Here is one they collaborated on.


They also love thier homeschooling class, Classical Conversations, on Thursdays. This class is a win win win for me because every Thursday they learn info in seven subjects from thier amazing tutors (Latin, English, Timeline, History, Science, Math and Geography). They also get to do a science and an art project every week (It is haaaard to teach music theory and do science projects at home!).You can see the video here!

Jonathan's artwork from Classical Conversation's Famous Artists class. He calls it "Jonathan Studies Flowers"

Also they have lunch with friends and then run around on the playground with them after class (sometimes for hours). Jonathan learned to ride a bike during this lunch time last fall.

A drawing of Asia by D. (influenced highly by her pet ducks). D and J draw creative versions of the geography to help them remember all the places. 

In keeping with our geeky/creative style, instead of  competing at sports and clubs this year D decided to try to earn the Memory Master title at Classical Conversations. To be a Memory Master she has to memorize ALL the over 500 pieces of memory work in Latin,Geography , Science, History, a history timeline, and Math. Here is a summary of each sentence or fact she has to learn to earn Memory Master;You can see her Geography reciting here.

We are in the home stretch and no matter if she makes it through the 4 two-hour reciting tests we are so proud of her. She and J have worked so hard! J can tell you the 3 laws of Thermodynamics, and Motion! Here he is reciting his favorite history sentence. But as they don't get to do these things in front of lots of smiling faces (just me and sometimes dad) I wanted to share these videos (like this one of D singing the Presidents, she cried when she first got it all the way through!)and hope you would help cheer us on. We are homeschooling our hearts out over hear in our little strange Keys world. Sometimes it gets a little lonely being quirky. Thanks!

Isaiah's First Christmas

I woke up first at 8 am with Isaiah.  After I put some cranberry, pecan, sage yeast bread in the oven and made some tea I sent Isaiah in to wake up the kids. It's one of his favorite jobs. Then the kids explored thier stocking contents together.

Isaiah pushed around the shopping cart santa brought him (a six-dollar thrift store find!). The big kids snuggled the stuffed animals that played "You are my Sunshine" and "How Much is that Doggie in the Window?".

Then everyone pounced on Daddy. The kids wanted to open thier presents to each other first. They had made and packaged them all by themselves. Dorathea got a lego necklace and beaded bracelet. Jonathan got a hat with a D made pom pom on top. 

 We tried the four present only rule of "something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read." They sadly told friends that was all they were getting this year. But on Christmas morning they seemed to enjoy it.  I picked out books that reminded me of them. "Vader's little Jedi" for Jonathan, "El Deafo" for Dorathea and "Mysteries of the Middle Ages" for Ted. I wrote a little note in each one about why it reminded me of them.

I also made a gift for each of the kids. Jonathan got a brown, furry beanbag cover. He nested in it happily.

Dorathea opened a jacket I sewed bunny ears onto for her. 

We all just took our time and had a lot of fun.

For lunch we snacked on a tray of veggies and cocktail shrimp with a garlic ginger dip.  Ted and I found the recipe in  Cookbook from my Grandmother written by overseas army wives in the sixties. 

We finished the day by watching a Christmas music special from my alma mater Berea College. 

Dinner was a feast of; pineapple ham, mashed potatoes and cauliflower, green beans, and leftover stuffing and sweet potato casserole I squirreled away in the freezer from Thanksgiving (a trick I will definitely do again!).

It was nice to be together and relax. Tomorrow we are hoping to roll ourselves outside for a hike and some tennis! - Dorathea got a new raquet from her dad!

Hope all of you enjoyed a wonderful Christmas too!

love the Keys family!!!

In 1996 at the University Christian Student Center, Tennessee Tech 25 year old Ted put on his best smile, lowered his voice an octave, and  introduced himself to an 18 year old girl wearing her favorite grungy Porsche t-shirt with a wool hat.  She instantly knew he liked her and she had best not encourage him. Despite this rocky introduction, after a long talk one night at the Student Center, she decided he was a kindred spirit and the friendship of a lifetime began. Ted persued the girl for four years, then gave up and received a call that sounded like this, "I think God's telling me to get married". Crestfallen Ted responds, "To who?"  Allie responds "To you!". The peace about marrying this long-suffering gentleman finally hit the girl after Ted stopped trying.

They got married in a big celebration of friends and family in Tn and then moved to Southwestern Virginia so Ted could go to Bible college and pursue a ministry degree. Newly graduated Allie miraculously got a job doing storytimes at the local library. She loved that job for seven years and then with a second baby on the way gave it up to stay home with our two cuties. Six months later Ted lost his job. That was seven years ago at Christmastime they were optimistic something else would quickly come along. It didn't. Then things came along that weren't really jobs but bad business deals at thier expense. Then thier house was foreclosed on.

At this point in the story the road took a sharp turn.  When a story bends it looks like a dead end to the travelers. The bend and all that life threw at the little family  looked like death. Death to the dreams of prosperity, death to the family, and the husband. Allie raged. There were many nights She screamed at God, "Where are you?" "Why aren't you helping me?".  They even had people telling them they were failures and fools to keep walking.  But at the end of thier ropes Love was still there. It was saying "You are a person of faith, and of great worth." Love told me my most important job was to forgive. Not lightly forgive but like a woman on a mission. Like a woman fighting for her family.

Ted also fought. Instead of running from the demons that tormented him he faced them. He sought counseling from trusted friends and mentors, He worked on a degree and getting a job when he faced failure after failure, door closed after door closed. Sometimes it felt like it was all his fault and he shut down. But this beaten down man was so brave he kept walking toward Love. Love that told him to forgive himself

Deep depression hit Allie and Ted both in turn. From our church friends and family we sought and received counseling and help. I didn't know if our family would still be together on the other side of that turn, I couldn't see a way to happy again. When I prayed God told me to doggedly believe in Ted so I did. I gave God the worry and he told me to dream.

Dreaming was hard like getting up and running after a bad accident. But Allie dreamed of Ted getting a difficult to attain degree getting not just a job but a calling. She dreamed of our family being financially secure and living in a place her kids would thrive. She dreamed of being worry free enough to pursue her dreams of homeschooling, working with children, writing and creating. She had assurance only that her marriage wasn't working and her family wasn't working, but when She prayed God told me to look the rest of our path with eyes of faith that it would get going on better than it was before the bend.

Ted got a part-time job teaching two-year olds at our Church's Daycare ministry.  It was supposed to be just a temporary stint.  He worked exceptionally hard at a job where he got hit, pooped on, and screamed at for minimum wage, and some people laughed at that. He felt like the only forty-year-old man teaching in a daycare.  Even though he often asked God how in the world he got there, somehow he fell in love with the screamers, poopers, and hitters. He prayed for the kids, encouraged thier parents, he found kinship with the people he worked with. This job was just while he kept applying for one in his degree, but at least everyone he worked with and for were united in thier love for these kids and families.

The daycare was facing being shut down, Ted's heart went out to the children there, to thier teachers who loved them well. He and I started dreaming of what the daycare could be, how our church family could be loved on too. We talked to our church who supported us in this dream, and the leadership asked Ted to become the new daycare director.
Suddenly, Ted has found a ministry that needs all his gifts.  I have found opportunity to minister to children and families through stories, music, and teaching.  We both share kindness and guidance with the women who work at the daycare, and we are dreaming about ways to expand the reach of this this calling to families in general.  We have found ourselves around the curve in the road. We can see what we are dreaming towards again.

Ted got me this quirky watch he knew I wanted for our 15th anniversary. Usually he gets me a sweet card but this year the traditional anniversary gift was a watch, It celebrates a redemption year for our family and our marriage. A few years ago when were down, wondering how we had wasted time and failed at life. Like the Psalmist said, "My eye is wasted away from grief, my soul and my body also.10 For my life is spent with sorrow And my years with sighing;"

But he goes on,

"Terror is on every side;

While they took counsel together against me,

They schemed to take away my life.

14 But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord,

I say, “You are my God.”

15 My times are in Your hand;" Psalm 31

What the enemy meant to use hardship to destroy our family God used to bless us.

When we sought help, we got good counsel from our church friends. They told us that God would make all that wasted time work together for our good.

Now I am realizing my time is not in my hands. I have given it to God. I can't waste it, I don't have that much control anymore. I've given my life to Love. When I feel like I've blown all my time, he still redeems it. My life is a Once Upon a Time story with lots of twists, but the Happy Ending is assured.

Psalm 130, "Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;

And in Your book were all written

The days that were ordained for me,

When as yet there was not one of them."

Acts 17; "He marked out (our) appointed times in history and the places they would live. 27 God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us."