What to do with a Daughter with Autism; How to talk to an Aspie Girl

We discovered this year our D is on the Autism Spectrum. The psycologist told  D has Asperger's Syndrome. He said it was a wonder she wasn't diagnosed long ago it was so apparent. Of course girls with Asperger have somewhat different characteristics then boys (D was a talker and an imaginative little girl from 1 year old) so girls are often diagnosed later than boys (usually around 10).

Were Ted and I upset? Actually I was so relieved and happy! I had been feeling like her struggles were due to my poor parenting. When I first read the traits of Asperger's girls  (affectionately called Aspies) it was like reading a novel about my daughter. I began to understand her better and I wanted to pass on some of the useful info onto you in case you are interested interacting with my rare species of Asperger Girl;

1. Empathy can be hard; I've seen D come off as mean girl or unkind. The truth is Asperger girls aren't as good as understanding other's emotions or how what she says or her body language is read by those around her. We work daily on learning how phrases and body language are interpreted by others. It just takes longer for my girl to learn how then say...anything else really, Latin, math, except maybe cleaning which leads me to,

2. Long term memory amazing, Short term not so much; "D please clean your room". Five seconds later she has no idea what I just asked her. And this just happened 20 times in a row. But she can tell you in detail what happened when she was a baby. Temple Grandin said in her autobiography this was true of her as well. Tip;if you ask D to do something don't be offended if you have to ask twice, or better yet write it down.

3. Sensitive to sounds (volume), smells, textures; Too many kids in a room and D will be driven up the wall. If there is a song she doesn't like playing in the background she won't be able to concentrate on anything else. If D looks confused while your talking you may want to ask her if something is distracting her. Florescent lights can drive her insane. Also if you hug or touch her when she's not expecting it she might flinch. I learned from her Psychologist that she actually feels pain when she is unexpectedly touched! Yesterday I went in for an unannounced hug and D jumped and said, "Don't hit me!". So I announced my need to hug her and she laughed and hugged back.

4. Having a two-way conversation is challenging. D has got a movie in her head of her fave things going all the time (Warriors books, Undertale, Electro-Swing music, Computers, her pet ducks and chickens). Ask her about those things and she will talk endlessly. Bring up your own topic of conversation and you will find she will move the conversation to talking about her favorite things very quickly.  But don't despair. As I was writing this D shared a tip about this;  if you introduce her to new info she might feign that she knows all about it, then secretly research it later. Or the opposite might happen; I was just given a homework assignment to read the first 3 chapters of a Warriors book last night because D was so wanted to talk to me about it. It is good for her to be redirected out of her interests though. I encourage you to try it's a fun game.

5. Don't give up! I am confident that my Aspie will grow up to be able to connect with others and be amazingly empathetic and kind to all. Temple Grandin said that social intelligence might come slowly to Autistic people, but it can still be learned.

When I prayed for little three year old D who couldn't play well with others in preschool, God told me that she would be behind kids her age socially for awhile but ahead with other things, and that she would eventually catch up. When I started working with Autism experts with D I found Asperger's Syndrome lined up with what he told me. It is not a handicap, it is a different way of experiencing the world.

Asperger's makes it hard for her many times as she is quirky and different. Her brain is actually just more developed in some areas and less in others. It is also a gift. My D is super creative, has been developing her own characters and imaginary world since she was two. She can memorize things long-term quickly. I am still uncovering her gifts (and occasionally challenges).  I hope you will join me. D's world is a vivid, sometimes perilous, always exciting place! Most of all she is worth getting to know. This is just the beginning of a beautiful life.

The first description of Asperger girls I read is here
A great scientific explanation here.
Also this has been a terrific help to parenting an aspie; https://www.aspergerexperts.com/
More useful info;