Last night I had a brainstorm. I was grappeling with some behavioral issues of my beautiful little girl. She is amazing, bright, full of wonder and always imagining whole worlds that she plays in constantly. On the other hand, once she gets an idea about some game or play she will break down very quickly if the play doesn't happen the way she would like it to.
Last Sunday she made a birthday card for a friend during Sunday school. She left it behind and it got sent home with the wrong little girl. When Dorathea found out she fell to the floor sobbing loudly about how she needed a card for Claire. I scooped her up and comforted her. She cried for an hour as we went home and had lunch. I offered her paper to make another card, but she replied that, "It wouldn't be the same". I finally asked who Claire was, I said, "I don't think I know her Dorathea". "Mommy, Claire is my little brown pony, and she will be so dissapointed at her party!," dissolves into more
sobs.
I know she has a strong imagination, and I encourage it as the artist-mama I am. But, there are other quirks to how her mindworks too. She has always been blunt about correcting her parents and teachers when she thinks we are doing something wrong. She is a very polite and articulate kid, but I have heard a million, "Mommy don't do that's"
Another thing I couldn't understand was why outside our home, getting her to follow along can be impossible. She often finds a nook for herself at a party or a class to hide in, and tells other children, "I need my privacy". But if you try and make her follow along she will tell you she shouldn't have to do whatever you are asking her to do and if obedience is demanded she instantly melts into a crying heap on the floor.
This has made me feel like people must think she doesn't have effective or consistant discipline at home. I have even been called a "free spirit" in my parenting style. But now having a second child, who usually will happily do exactly as I ask, with the same consistant discipline as Number 1 is getting, I realize discipline isn't the problem. Here is my problem,
"Train up a child in the way (she) should go, and when she is old she will not run from it"
What I needed to figure out was what is the way "she should go"?
Not the way I want her to go
Not training her to be who I want her to be
or to train her to act like everyone else
When I've prayed for the way she should go I've heard God tell me
she is a little behind socially, but don't worry, just be consistent and she'll grow into it.
When Ted and I have prayed together for her we have heard God say
to be very careful to show her lots of love when we discipline her, and to let her know she is listened to.
I was praying again this week (after the Claire incedent), and decided to do some research.
Guess what? There is a name for what she has been doing!
Imaginative Overexcitability
The relief of knowing what might be going on in her mind! So let me tell you;
Overexcitability is when people percieve the world more strongly than most. This guy, Dabrowski, said, "He believed that some individuals are predisposed to experience life more intensely and this predisposes them to frequent and severe crisis "
Bingo! and it gets better;
"Dabrowski identified five areas of OE-Psychomotor, Sensual, Intellectual, Imaginational, and Emotional.
They each cause an " abundance and diversity of feeling, thought, imagery, and sensation will inevitably lead to dissonance,( Falling into an emotional puddle) conflict and tension (Telling your teacher she can't do that) , but at the same time it enriches, expands, and intensifies the individual's mental development .
She has displayed a bit of all five types;
Psychomotor, a higher capacity for being active and energetic (sometimes kids are labeled ADD when in fact they are Psychomotor-Overexcitable)
Sensual, A higher level of pleasure or displeasure from what they see, taste, hear, smell, or touch. They can get lost in music or a painting. They might freak out when they feel the wrong texture, or smell something unfamiliar. They see and feel beauty in a stronger way but also see and feel uglyness in a stronger way than most of us.
Intellectual;
Those high in Intellectual OE have incredibly active minds. They are intensely curious, often avid readers, and usually keen observers. This seems to cause the greatest difficulty at school and home when children become so excited about learning and thinking that they interrupt or blurt out answers at inappropriate times or are too honest about or critical of others' ideas.
This would explain why she kept telling her CC tutuor what she should be teaching this week in class.
Emotional Overexcitability
Emotional OE is often the first to be noticed by parents. It is reflected in heightened, intense feelings, extremes of complex emotions. Children high in Emotional OE, are often accused of "overreacting." or being "drama queens". The intensity of their feelings may interfere with everyday tasks like homework or doing the dishes because those tasks seem meaningless compared with the needs of humanity. ---
this reminds me of the three year old Dorathea who saw me crying one day and cupped her hand under my chin and said, "Mommy you are Beautiful". Sometimes so this so insightful it's scarry.
Ok, this compassion can sometimes be more true for Dorathea with her toys or imaginary friends than with humans, but that leads me to her strongest Overexcitabilty;
Imaginative Overexcitability;
Imagination reflects a heightened play of the imagination with rich association of images and impressions, and big facility for inventing and fantasy, detailed visualization, and elaborate dreams (Dabrowski & Piechowski, 1977; Piechowski, 1979, 1991). Often children high in Imaginational OE mix truth with fiction, create their own private worlds with imaginary companions and dramatizations to escape boredom. They find it difficult to stay tuned into a classroom where creativity and imagination are secondary to learning rigid academic curriculum.
This reminds me of the top bunk of her shared bunk bed which she calls, "The Kingdom of Glee", and where she keeps a village of my little ponies and their homes that she constantly "cleans" before she falls asleep.
So this little girl of mine sees life like it is through a telescope, every dream and fantasy is up close and personal, every emotion is a wave to ride to the hights and depths, and every idea must be explored and challenged, even if that means challenging authority.
I remember when Dorathea was two she asked the Moon come down and play with her. I looked into her eyes and felt that her sense of beauty and wonder and imagination was so much stronger than mine. It fits perfectly.Thank you God for a glimpse into my child's head!
I've been praying not just to be able to train Dorathea up as she should go, but to have that glimpse of who that will be. And guess what? Dabrowski had a theory about that, that rings true in my heart. He believed that some individuals are predisposed to experience life more intensely and this predisposes them to frequent and severe crisis (good and bad) . I know the crisis of when you see something so beautiful it changes how you see the whole world and what it could be like. Or so horribly that you know there must be a way to help.
He believed that this conflict and inner suffering were necessary to move humankind from "what is " in society to "what ought to be."
So I pray that this little girl who called me beautiful, who beakoned to the moon, and who is fearless will lead us to where we "ought to be"
And as for me, I'm thankful for the wonder of getting to see things through her magnifying eyes.
"Those who look to the Lord are Radiant, Their faces are never covered in Shame" Psalm 34:5
"Blessed are those who Hunger and Thirst for Righteousness, for they will be filled" Matthew 5:6
"And a little child shall lead them" Isaiah 11:6
Last Sunday she made a birthday card for a friend during Sunday school. She left it behind and it got sent home with the wrong little girl. When Dorathea found out she fell to the floor sobbing loudly about how she needed a card for Claire. I scooped her up and comforted her. She cried for an hour as we went home and had lunch. I offered her paper to make another card, but she replied that, "It wouldn't be the same". I finally asked who Claire was, I said, "I don't think I know her Dorathea". "Mommy, Claire is my little brown pony, and she will be so dissapointed at her party!," dissolves into more
sobs.
I know she has a strong imagination, and I encourage it as the artist-mama I am. But, there are other quirks to how her mindworks too. She has always been blunt about correcting her parents and teachers when she thinks we are doing something wrong. She is a very polite and articulate kid, but I have heard a million, "Mommy don't do that's"
Another thing I couldn't understand was why outside our home, getting her to follow along can be impossible. She often finds a nook for herself at a party or a class to hide in, and tells other children, "I need my privacy". But if you try and make her follow along she will tell you she shouldn't have to do whatever you are asking her to do and if obedience is demanded she instantly melts into a crying heap on the floor.
"Train up a child in the way (she) should go, and when she is old she will not run from it"
What I needed to figure out was what is the way "she should go"?
Not the way I want her to go
Not training her to be who I want her to be
or to train her to act like everyone else
When I've prayed for the way she should go I've heard God tell me
she is a little behind socially, but don't worry, just be consistent and she'll grow into it.
When Ted and I have prayed together for her we have heard God say
to be very careful to show her lots of love when we discipline her, and to let her know she is listened to.
I was praying again this week (after the Claire incedent), and decided to do some research.
Guess what? There is a name for what she has been doing!
Imaginative Overexcitability
The relief of knowing what might be going on in her mind! So let me tell you;
Overexcitability is when people percieve the world more strongly than most. This guy, Dabrowski, said, "He believed that some individuals are predisposed to experience life more intensely and this predisposes them to frequent and severe crisis "
Bingo! and it gets better;
"Dabrowski identified five areas of OE-Psychomotor, Sensual, Intellectual, Imaginational, and Emotional.
They each cause an " abundance and diversity of feeling, thought, imagery, and sensation will inevitably lead to dissonance,( Falling into an emotional puddle) conflict and tension (Telling your teacher she can't do that) , but at the same time it enriches, expands, and intensifies the individual's mental development .
She has displayed a bit of all five types;
Psychomotor, a higher capacity for being active and energetic (sometimes kids are labeled ADD when in fact they are Psychomotor-Overexcitable)
Sensual, A higher level of pleasure or displeasure from what they see, taste, hear, smell, or touch. They can get lost in music or a painting. They might freak out when they feel the wrong texture, or smell something unfamiliar. They see and feel beauty in a stronger way but also see and feel uglyness in a stronger way than most of us.
Intellectual;
Those high in Intellectual OE have incredibly active minds. They are intensely curious, often avid readers, and usually keen observers. This seems to cause the greatest difficulty at school and home when children become so excited about learning and thinking that they interrupt or blurt out answers at inappropriate times or are too honest about or critical of others' ideas.
This would explain why she kept telling her CC tutuor what she should be teaching this week in class.
Emotional Overexcitability
Emotional OE is often the first to be noticed by parents. It is reflected in heightened, intense feelings, extremes of complex emotions. Children high in Emotional OE, are often accused of "overreacting." or being "drama queens". The intensity of their feelings may interfere with everyday tasks like homework or doing the dishes because those tasks seem meaningless compared with the needs of humanity. ---
this reminds me of the three year old Dorathea who saw me crying one day and cupped her hand under my chin and said, "Mommy you are Beautiful". Sometimes so this so insightful it's scarry.
Ok, this compassion can sometimes be more true for Dorathea with her toys or imaginary friends than with humans, but that leads me to her strongest Overexcitabilty;
Imaginative Overexcitability;
Imagination reflects a heightened play of the imagination with rich association of images and impressions, and big facility for inventing and fantasy, detailed visualization, and elaborate dreams (Dabrowski & Piechowski, 1977; Piechowski, 1979, 1991). Often children high in Imaginational OE mix truth with fiction, create their own private worlds with imaginary companions and dramatizations to escape boredom. They find it difficult to stay tuned into a classroom where creativity and imagination are secondary to learning rigid academic curriculum.
This reminds me of the top bunk of her shared bunk bed which she calls, "The Kingdom of Glee", and where she keeps a village of my little ponies and their homes that she constantly "cleans" before she falls asleep.
So this little girl of mine sees life like it is through a telescope, every dream and fantasy is up close and personal, every emotion is a wave to ride to the hights and depths, and every idea must be explored and challenged, even if that means challenging authority.
I remember when Dorathea was two she asked the Moon come down and play with her. I looked into her eyes and felt that her sense of beauty and wonder and imagination was so much stronger than mine. It fits perfectly.Thank you God for a glimpse into my child's head!
I've been praying not just to be able to train Dorathea up as she should go, but to have that glimpse of who that will be. And guess what? Dabrowski had a theory about that, that rings true in my heart. He believed that some individuals are predisposed to experience life more intensely and this predisposes them to frequent and severe crisis (good and bad) . I know the crisis of when you see something so beautiful it changes how you see the whole world and what it could be like. Or so horribly that you know there must be a way to help.
He believed that this conflict and inner suffering were necessary to move humankind from "what is " in society to "what ought to be."
So I pray that this little girl who called me beautiful, who beakoned to the moon, and who is fearless will lead us to where we "ought to be"
And as for me, I'm thankful for the wonder of getting to see things through her magnifying eyes.
"Those who look to the Lord are Radiant, Their faces are never covered in Shame" Psalm 34:5
"Blessed are those who Hunger and Thirst for Righteousness, for they will be filled" Matthew 5:6
"And a little child shall lead them" Isaiah 11:6
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